When Angel's return home
by RoseandThorns
Summary: For years Qui-Gon has waited for the return of his Padawan.But when he does finally arrive, Qui-Gon realises that there maybe far more damage that he expected. Takes place after the death of Obi-Wan. This is their afterlife.
1. When Angel's return home

Hello lovely people! This is my first Star Wars fic. I'm sorry for any mistakes you might find. Depending on reviews I may write more in this series. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

_Blah_= Internal thoughts. Not the Force or bond.

…

When Angel's return home.

Qui-Gon. 

The Force was writhing with excitement, sending whispered messages and strangled images. Someone was coming home. A Jedi was returning. I skidded down the corridors, darting around younglings and tripping over my feet. My usual graceful moves distorted by raging hope. I had waited so long. I was worried he wouldn't come. People spoke in hushed whispers as I dashed past them. All awaiting the return of a son and friend. There was only praise and pride on their faces. They knew what he had done. The sacrifices he had made. Panting, I threw open the apartment door, a gleeful gaze sweeping the room. There was no disturbance, his feet had not touched this carpet in years. The Force was pushing me, coaxing me toward his old room. My feet followed its will, I would have done anything to see that man again. The bedroom door ghosted open before I could touch it. The Force was strong inside the room, thick on the air and pulsing with a soul. I watched with batted breath as it settled on the bed and a form begun to glow. The light was gone in a flash and I stared at the body occupying the empty space. Decades had it been since I had seen him. Since his vibrant personality had sparkled and I had felt his love. I hurried toward the bed, placing myself by his sides, fingertips pressed against his face.

Youth. He had his youth again. The Force had sent him one last merciful act. I thought this face was lost to my memories. I had expected an old man, twisted by his silent years to appear. But seeing him like this was enough to bring tears to me. I bit them stubbornly back, hungry eyes memorising the boy I had left behind.

The Force sent me a whispered warning I couldn't decipher. But I understood the intentions. Understood it wanted me to be aware of the damage 'The Chosen One' had inflicted. It cautiously reminded me that he would remember everything.

"Obi-Wan. Wake up." I tapped his cheek gently.

Blue eyes snapped open, confused and scared. Too long had he been absent from my side. He had been left to cry and age without me beside him. He swept a cautious gaze around the room, I sensed his suspicion.

"Obi-Wan?" I inquired softly

His attention snapped to me in a heartbeat, suddenly he looked so small. So much like the boy I had welcomed to me with open arms. Timid fingers delicately touched my cheek, his face alight with wonder. I let him dance his fingertips over my skin, tracing my nose and outlining my eyes. He grew more confident, pressing his palm against my chest and clutching at my robes. I didn't miss his trembling frame or the tumbling emotions inside him. But then he glanced up, locking azure eyes with my face and something inside him fell away. He froze, tensed and frightened. He ripped himself away from me, scrabbling backward on the bed before cowering against the headboard. Surprise halted my movements, horror beating through me when I took in his battered appearance.

_Padawan…What has the world done to you?..._

"Obi-Wan? Don't be afraid."

"This is some sick joke, isn't it?" There was deep loathing in his voice, he rolled his head toward me. Broken. My beautiful Padwan was broken. "Vader's finally caught up with me. I'm quite impressed, you know? You look exactly like Master Jinn."

Panic flared inside me, butchering my mind. "I'm real. I'm here with you, Padawan."

A mirthless chuckle left him. "Mmm, I bet all the hallucinations say that. You're not my Master. My Master wouldn't sit beside me knowing what I've done. Besides, he's dead."

"What have you done?"

Exasperation flickered across his face, his lips drew into a frown. "You really need to do more research before trying to drive a captive mad. I failed him."

"H-How?"

Irritation made him look hostile, reminded me of the thread I walked.

"The _boy._"

"Anikan? How did you fail?"

"He turned, didn't you know? Yeah, guess I wasn't good enough after all. Force, Master must be cursing my every breath."

I reached out to him, desperation swirling inside me. He had to understand. I had to save him from Anikan's darkness.

"I'm not angry, Obi-Wan! You've done me proud."

"NO!" With a snarl, he wrenched himself away from me, dashing of the bed. Suddenly, he was feral, cornered and panicking. "LET ME OUT! VADER! VADER! FACE ME!"

I didn't know how to approach him as he called for his murderer. He stalked out of the bedroom, glaring at the living room of his memories. I felt his anger and injustice, The Force trembled with it. He prowled the room, pausing only to take in familiar objects and sneer at them. But I soon saw the frustration rise in him. I was startled when he seized a ceramic mug from the table and threw it against the ground. It shattered on impact, white slivers littering the floor at his feet. But he had already moved away from the mess on the carpet, striding toward a pile of Data Pads in the corner. He sent them thudding to the floor with a frantic sweep of his arm.

"Stop it!" I scolded.

"Where am I? How can this place be so real? TELL ME!"

"Calm down, Padawan!"

He didn't listen to me as he marched into the kitchen, moments later cutlery clattered to the floor. I dashed after him, frightened Obi-Wan's fractured mind would shatter. Obi-Wan had stopped in the middle of the kitchen, cradling something in his hands.

"W-Where did you get this?"

Slowly he turned, showing me the small object his hands protected. I glanced down at it, a fond smile on my face. The bright colours of the shell reflected in the artificial light, orange and gold swirled with red. I remembered finding it, the joy on a young boy's face and the glow in my heart as we watched the setting sun.

"You remember the trip? Our first real vacation and we found this. The fading sun shone so brightly in the fire touched sky."

"How can you have this? No one but Qui-Gon knew about it. It was lost when the Temple was destroyed."

"That's why it's here. It belongs here, with us."

Wild eyes were calming, the fear diluted behind confusion. His gaze left the shell he clasped tightly and found my face again.

"You're real?" I heard the question, the whispered hope and smiled.

"I'm real. I've been waiting for so long."

He frowned. "I don't believe you."

I felt for his mind, the blend of courage and heart that had always been Obi-Wan. He shielded as soon as he sensed me hovering close to him. I felt the impenetrable shield falter when I tugged on the bond and soothed the wailing fear he carried always with him. I coaxed a fragile opening between our minds and let a father's love for a son trickle through. There was a nervous stroke inside my head before Obi-Wan retreated.

"Force-Sensitive." He whispered. "Vader couldn't trick me this bad, could he?"

I shook my head. "Vader can't touch you here. I promise you're safe."

He fidgeted, the movement of his body causing him to catch his reflection in the window. Disbelief darted across his face as he moved gracefully toward the glass. I watched him stare at the young man reflected back at him. There were no lines on his face, no tales of age or hardship. No pain in the arms he flexed. There was only beauty where he remembered decay. He tugged experimentally on his Padawan braid, running the beaded strands through nimble fingers.

"I don't understand. I must be dreaming."

I moved to stand beside him, meeting his tormented gaze in the window. "No. You're wide awake."

"What happened to me?" Innocent. Childlike. Afraid of the memories.

"What do you remember?"

"Pain. And then you. No…black robes…Blue and Red lights?"

"I wish I had a better way to tell you this." I rested my hand on his shoulder, relieved when he didn't pull away. "You're dead. I'm sorry."

"Dead? Black robes…Darth Vader…"

He slumped backward into my arms, his body suddenly surrendering. I steadied him, holding him tight against my chest. His trembling hands flew up to hide his face but the shuddering shoulders betrayed him.

"Padawan…I'm here." I reassured, breathing into familiar ginger hair.

"I'm sorry." He was ashamed, believing he was wrong. Unable to place the blame in myself and his fallen apprentice.

I held him tighter to me, burying my face into his shoulder as guilt bloomed inside me and whispered in my ear.

"Don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong. It's not your fault." I prayed he would believe my words but his tense body told me he wouldn't.

"Yes it is. You only asked one thing of me and I couldn't do it. 'Train the boy'. I couldn't do it. I've destroyed everything."

"Anikan, destroyed everything. He was always meant to turn. You couldn't have prevented it."

"I should have."

I maneuverer him in my arms, spinning him round until I could see his face. He looked away immediately, afraid of my tongue. My worn fingers hooked under his chin, forcing his head up. There wasn't any resistance until rebellious eyes darted away, focusing on something behind my head.

"Look at me, Child." Surprised eyes latched onto mine. "Hear my words. You haven't failed. Anikan failed because he forgot everything you ever taught him. Destiny wrote long ago that he would cause hurt and suffering. It's not your fault. You tried, Force I know how hard you tried. It was always out of your hands. You were never supposed to save Anikan. Can you understand?"

He was silent for a moment, caught in a lonely past. But he spoke with conviction. "You're wrong. I let my Padawan down. Nothing you can say will change that."

But he wanted my words to fix it. There was a part of him wanting to believe me. Too accept that Anikan's fall wasn't of his own making.

He couldn't. He'd had long years to suffer and convince himself he was to blame.

I crushed him against my chest, ignoring the yelp of protest. I clutched him to me, despair a wave inside me.

"Then I failed you. I should never have forced Anikan into your hands. I can't apologise enough."

"No, you shouldn't have. But you did."

When he struggled, I let my arms fall away. The smile he sent to me was dead, a whisper of the beam I remembered. Gracefully, he moved away, exiting the kitchen without seeing it. Moments later his bedroom door hissed shut. I fell to my knees on the tilled floor.

"Padawan…Obi-Wan…My son…I'm so very sorry."

But he didn't hear. He wouldn't listen. The festering wound to deep and septic between us. But here, in a place beyond Anikan's wrath, I had an eternity to fix him. Countless lifetimes to bring my son back to me.

I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

The clock on the wall had ticking endlessly inside my head, when I approached my Padawan's door. I hovered outside, my hand raised to strike the door but unable to move. Obi-Wan had always been secretive, confident his burdens could be handled alone. Surely, Anikan's betrayal and his own isolation would cement that idea inside his head. I knew my presence by his side might not be tolerated. But I shook away the fear of rejection and rapped my knuckles gently against the metal.

"Obi-Wan? May I come in?"

"I suppose. You can't hurt me anymore. I'm dead."

_So far…he's fallen so far…Why didn't anyone catch him?_

The door slipped silently open and I stepped into the dimly lit room. Obi-Wan lay stretched across his bed, silver tears on his cheeks and distress in his heart. I perched next to him on the mattress, my sorrowful gaze running over him. He fidgeted under my scrutiny and threw an arm over his eyes.

"Don't hide from me, Padawan. There is no shame in the tears you cry."

"Aren't I supposed to hide emotions? Embrace them and I'll become…the boy…"

The boy. Never Anikan. A desperate attempt to keep Anikan out. Too ignore what he did to him.

I shook my head violently, wrapping gentle fingers around his wrist. "You'll never become Anikan. Never. There's too much good in you."

"Bet you said that about him too."

"Obi-Wan. Here, you will never turn. You will never fall further than you are now. The only way you can go is up." I pried his arms away from his eyes, cringing at the tears he tried not to shed.

"That's nice to know. But I've already hit rock bottom. What more can I do?"

"You can fight."

"I'm tired of fighting. I die and I'm still fighting the past. Still struggling with my mistakes."

"It's not your fault. One day you'll believe me."

"I was never meant to be happy was I?" He sounded resigned, he had accepted that he wasn't supposed to be happy and it was a knife in my gut.

"Everyone was meant to be happy. Life just got in the way."

Silence. He didn't move, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. I bowed my head, playing with my hands on my lap. But then I felt a gentle pressure against my leg. Obi-Wan had turned silently, moving to press his back to my body in silent acceptance. I lifted my hand to run my fingers through his hair. He relaxed fractionally under my touch, not as much as I wanted but enough to show he was starting to believe I could be with him again.

"I hate my life." He whispered.

"I know you do. But you shouldn't dwell in that anymore. This is your reality now. And I am here where I belong."

"But for how long?" He was afraid, his voice tainted by it. Terrified I would choose someone else over him.

"Forever."

In the dwindling light, I thought I saw him smile.


	2. I'll apologise forever

Hello lovely people! I'm sorry for the HUGE delay but if anyone's still interested, here's the next chapter! Thank you for your wonderful reviews. You don't know how nervous I was posting the last chapter.

Thank you for correcting my spelling mistakes, even though it was a bit unfair to word your criticism that way.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

…

When Angel's return home.

I'll apologise forever.

Qui-Gon.

I've had a lifetime to contemplate the decisions I made before the Sith cut me down. Decades that held no real time for me but enabled me to regret and grieve. Too understand I had made desperate mistakes and had never been able to correct them.

Obi-Wan and Anakin.

I should never have pushed one boy away to bring the other close. Obi-Wan had always been mine. My apprentice. My friend. My son. He was the one who stood beside me whenever my world started to shatter. Obi-Wan had trusted me to hold him close, too see his worth and embrace it.

Obi-Wan had expected me to love him like a son.

But all it had taken was one small boy with big dreams to lead me away from him. The destined child the Prophecy whispered about. With my mind filled with promises of hope and balance, I had let Obi-Wan slip away from me, barely noticing he was weeping silently.

The painted devil snatched me away before I really ever understood what I had done. Severed my chance to dry his tears and steer him down the right path.

Obi-Wan never knew how important he was too me. Never imagined I could spend my death wishing I could turn back time and choose him.

_Padawan…I'm so sorry…._

I awoke to quiet breathing beside me, a gentle pressure against my chest. Battling away the clinging fingers of sleep, I gazed at the auburn hair nestled against me. His hand had curled around my wrist, clutching stubbornly to the fabric of my robes. I swept calloused knuckles over sculptured cheek bones, smiling when he twitched in sleep.

"I have missed you." I murmured.

A part of me prayed for a small sign of his unending affection despite knowing I did not deserve it. But his mind stayed captured by his dreams, he did not acknowledge me. Sighing, I pried unresisting fingers away from my arm and rolled away from him. He stirred briefly, a frown engraving itself on his face before he calmed and sank deeper into sleep. I stood, staring at the boy who had to become a man within a heartbeat. He laid before me in a body that had barely seen its twenty-fifth year but a with a mind older than my own. I couldn't comprehend the thought, unable to see anything but the boy before me. Frowning harshly, I turned and swept away from the room, leaving the door cracked open.

The room still bore the scars of Obi-Wan's frightened anger. I crouched before the shattered mug, cautiously scooping up the shards. Depositing them on the table top, I straightened the heap of Data Pads, stacking them carefully. I set the cutlery back in the draws, wiping smudges away with worn cloths. It was with loving hands that I set the shell back in its place. Captured within the shell was our perfect past. Before I had found Anakin and before I had walked away. Before I had thought to look behind Obi-Wan's glorious faked smiles.

_I can't fix the past, Padawan. But I can ensure OUR future stays intact. _

I wandered back into the lounge, throwing myself down on the couch with a groan. I picked up a discarded Data Pad, flicking aimlessly through the information. The words didn't make sense to my muddled mind, sentences twisted and danced apart. I let the Data Pad drop from my hands, unconcerned when it bounced against the floor. I leant my head against the couch, waiting for my splintered apprentice to awaken.

I sensed his conflicting emotions before I heard him. When his quiet voice reached me, I had already clambered to my feet. The hands that clutched on my robes were that of a frightened child, I embraced him back fiercely.

"Obi-Wan? What's the matter?" I inquired softly.

"I woke up and you weren't there. I thought I had dreamt it." He spoke in the barest of whispers, but it was a molten knife to my chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to alarm you."

"It's all right. My fault. Oversensitive." With a gentle wriggle, he pulled away from me. I stifled a sigh, wishing he could understand that I didn't mind if he cried. Anakin had done this to him. Taught him to purge emotions from him. Grief dug its claws in me when I realised the Jedi Code and my dismissal had only strengthened his views. He swept a curious gaze around the room, there was no anger in endless eyes. Only suspicion and dawning hope. "I didn't get a chance to look at this place properly. Can I look around?"

"This is your home, Obi-Wan. Take your time."

The faint smile sent my own hope beating through me. Perhaps it wasn't too late. There may be a chance for me to save him. I watched him move gracefully around the room, stopping by objects to find a memory. Every so often, a concealed glance was thrown in my direction. There was hesitation in the way he stroked his fingertips over the back of the couch. I smiled in reassurance when I caught his eye again. He bowed his head, embarrassment flashing across his face.

"Are you hungry, Padawan?" I asked.

"We eat?" His eyes were full of guarded hope.

I chuckled. "Yes, we do. We're Immortal, Obi-Wan. If you wanted to, you could bleed."

"What's the point in Immortality then?"

The curiosity on his face was glorious, it was a brief flicker of the apprentice I remembered. The tilt of his head as he struggled for understanding was a living memory. I wished his eyes would reflect his thirst for knowledge again.

"Immortality…Where we are now, it's a higher plane of existence. We have no reason to bleed but that doesn't mean we can't. Understand?"

"Yes, I think I do. You mean that, I won't ever have to fight for my life here but should I do, I still have the ability to bleed? But you said I won't ever become…The boy…"

_Anakin, Obi-Wan. His name is Anakin. Please, don't do this to yourself._

"You won't. Darkness can't be put into light. You won't turn because we won't let you."

Obi-Wan's eyebrows knitted together as he thought through my words. Eventually he nodded and glanced toward the kitchen.

"Can we eat now?"

I couldn't help it. I let out a chuckle that morphed into a laugh.

Obi-Wan never smiled.

_How do I fix the broken pieces if you won't let me close enough? _

…_If you lower your shields, Padawan…I can help you…_

_Let me be your Master again._

Obi-Wan sat in tense silence when I placed a bowl of food in front of him. I retreated to the seat opposite him immediately, wishing I could ignore those wild, distrusting eyes. He snatched the food toward him as soon as I had walked away. There was hunger roaring deep inside him, the food passed his lips in almost a desperate panic.

"Slow down, Padawan. You'll choke." I warned in amusement.

Obi-Wan glanced up, crimson dusting his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm just hungry."

"Eat but don't choke it down. The food isn't going anywhere."

There was something deep and hidden in the eyes that darted away from me. A whisper of concern twisted inside me. There was a story buried inside Obi-Wan, something darker than even I knew. Past the depression and guilt, Obi-Wan hid from me. I stood swiftly, allowing my feet to lead me to his side. He glanced up with questions in his eyes, with secrets in them. I swept my hand across his brow, something churning inside me when he stiffened under my touch.

_Anakin…You've done this…Destroyed my Padawan with your lies and betrayal. _

…_I hope someday…you realise what you've done…And Force, I hope you cry…_

_But…are you solely to blame?...Did I give you a helping hand in destroying him?..._

Obi-Wan's gentle hand on my arm snapped me back to reality, away from blame and anger. There was reassurance on his face but it didn't light up the darkness. With a bare flicker of a smile, Obi-Wan removed his arm and pulled his half eaten food back to him. My heart heavy with distress, I turned around and sank down on the couch.

_See ME, Obi-Wan. Not the man who pushed you aside. I've realised my mistakes. I won't leave you behind again._

…

Sorry it's so short.


	3. The Queen of old

When Angels return home.

The Queen of old.

Qui-Gon.

…

I was running, faster than I thought I could. The muscles in my legs burned and throbbed but I only pushed myself harder. The leather soles of my shoes pounded against the floor in an unrelenting dance. Inside my chest, my heart beat out its panicked, staccato rhythm and pounded against my ribs. I couldn't breathe properly, the air I was gasping didn't reach my lungs but I couldn't stop. I had to keep running, too much depended on me. But there was a nightmare mirroring me, snapping at my heels and clawing at my back. I threw a frightened glance over my shoulder, trying to peer through the darkness around me. My hands were empty, my LightSaber broken and discarded somewhere behind me in the dark tunnel. Aware I was hideously vulnerable and weak, I forced myself around a corner.

"Master. Master. Master. Master. Master." I whispered my chant to the heavens but knew it would never be answered.

Tears of fear and frustration were acidic in my eyes but I blinked them stubbornly away and ignored the pant that sounded too much like a sob. I tripped over my feet, sending myself crashing to the ground and jarring my limbs. Exhausted, I curled my legs toward my chest and tried to find my shattered breathing. I couldn't calm my racing pulse or the anxious flutter in my stomach.

"Master…how could you do that to me? I thought…I thought…I was special…"

_/Special, you? Ah, my young, naive Padawan. Why would I want you when I could be His Master?/_

The words were a deadly whisper in my mind, curling long frozen fingers around my heart and strangling the mind link forged between us. I fought for it, for the beautiful golden glow that belonged with me. But Master didn't and it shattered to the wind.

_/Remember boy, you'll never be enough. You'll always fail./_

I lowered my hands from my face, blinking in the light and wished I hadn't. The crimson eyes hovering about me, ignited my terror and panic. My screamed echoed of the walls and vibrated down corridors.

"NO! MASTER, PLEASE! HELP ME!"

I jerked awake, lurching forward on the bed and tangling the blankets around my waist. For a moment, I was hopelessly confused and uncertain. I dragged my hand over my face and pressed my knuckles to my eyes and huffed an exaggerated sigh. I hadn't understood the dream that didn't belong in my mind. It was raw and breathed of hidden secret pains that were too far to touch. I swung my legs of the bed and clambered to my feet, stretching my arms above my head.

"NO! MASTER, PLEASE! HELP ME!" Obi-Wan's frantic, frightened screams had me rushing out of my bedroom door and toward him. "MASTER! WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK! DON'T GO!"

I threw open his door, wincing when it thudded against his wall with a thunderous bang. I darted toward my Padawan as he writhed on the bed and continued to call to me. I tugged him into my arms but he thrashed wildly and screamed again.

"Wake up, Obi-Wan. You're safe." I murmured, stroking his face softly and cradling him against my chest. Slowly, I felt him stir and start to wake. I played with his braid, smoothing it behind his ear. "I've got you."

He stared up at me with frightened eyes, crystal tears spiralling down his cheeks. His hair was mused and wild and contrasted stunningly with his pale face. He curled himself tighter against me, pressing his face against my chest.

"You're still here." He breathed.

"Where else was I going to go?" I inquired gently.

"I called for you and you didn't come."

Agony and sorrow roared inside me, my eyes closed in defeat and guilt. I understood the dream that had fractured my sleep. Obi-Wan still cried for me in his dreams, begged for his Master to save him and believed I never would.

"I'm here now. You're safe. Anakin can't hurt you anymore." Obi-Wan stiffened in my grasp and barely dared to breathe. "I know he was in your dream. But he can't touch you."

Obi-wan let out a shuddering breath and clutched at my shirt front with trembling fingers. I trailed my fingers down his back, praying I could calm him. His hands were playing with my hair, toying the greying strands softly.

"I dreamed that…that…" Obi-Wan wrenched himself from my arms and scrambled of the edge of the bed, his chest suddenly heaving.

"Obi-Wan!" I gasped.

My Padawan stood before me on the floor, his form trembling and his eyes hopelessly bright with the tears he was too proud to let fall. I climbed steadily of the bed and approached him but Obi-Wan shied away from my hands.

"You left me! Why wasn't I good enough for you?" He cried, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

The force hummed me a warning and a plead to bring its lost son back to it. There was underlying blame in the force but I wondered how much of it was an echo of my turmoil inside.

"I made a mistake, Obi. I shouldn't have picked him over you." I confessed, wishing I knew the right words.

"Why did you?"

Despite the physical wall Obi-Wan was attempting to form between us, I grasped his shoulders firmly and forced his elusive face to mine but he glanced rebelliously away. A part of me wept, I had destroyed him, broken him into shattered pieces and hadn't been able to pick them back up. Anakin could only be blamed for so much.

"Because I was a fool. I got caught up in the light of 'The Chosen One' and somehow I just forgot. I didn't mean to."

"You forgot about me? I meant that little to you?"

I shook my head wildly. "You mean the world to me, Little One."

A foreign light entered Obi-Wan's passionate eyes but it was extinguished within a heartbeat.

"Jedi's aren't supposed to act on feelings. They're not supposed to 'get caught up the light.'"

"I know. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan nodded and reached his hand out to touch my tunic. "You'll keep me, right?"

I swallowed around my tears and curled my fingers around his Padawan braid. "Always. You're mine and I love you."

Obi-Wan just smiled a dying man's stoic smile.

"Master Qui- Gon Jinn? Is that you?" A young female voice questioned as I ambled down the corridor toward our rooms.

Startled and intrigued, I turned around to face a young brunette woman. Her hair was adorned with golden leaves and silver flowers, melding into the tumbling curls. She was dressed in a simple green silk dress that cascaded around her feet, the toes of golden shoes peeked out from underneath the fabric.

"Queen Amidala." I breathed. "It is an honour, my lady."

"Please, here I have no royal status. I am Padmé now." She smiled. I nodded my understanding and stumbled briefly when she swept into my arms with a joyous laugh. "Oh, Master Qui-Gon! I knew you were here and I've been looking forever. I've found Yoda and Mace and even my old servants but I couldn't find you. I was starting to believe you weren't here."

"Padmé, calm down. I've been here a long time, of course I'd be here. I had no idea you'd passed into the force or I would have come and found you."

"Don't be daft. I knew one day we'd meet again. I'm so glad I found you." She tightened her arms around my chest and giggled softly. "Oh, listen to me, I must sound so silly. This place is incredible, so pretty. Everyone I know is here. Well…everyone except…them…"

Sorrow had momentarily shaded her words and I bent down to peer into her face. "Them?"

"Anakin and my children. I had twins, Qui-Gon, beautiful babies. Leia and Luke." She smiled wistfully, her eyes distant. "I gave them to Obi-Wan. I…Qui-Gon! Where's Obi? Is he here?" She bounced on her heels and peered around me, glancing down the empty corridor. I stilled her movement with gentle hands, my face twisted into a grim mask and her joy promptly vanished. She slipped down the wall and sat heavily against it, staring up at me with worried eyes. "What's wrong?"

"My Padawan is here. But he's been terribly hurt, almost broken by events from his past. His passing was not gentle and he suffered greatly."

Padmé's hands reached for my own, her face had paled slightly and concern churned in her eyes. "Why? What did Ani do?"

Surprised, I blinked and laced my old hands into hers. "You know it was Anakin?"

She nodded bravely. "Anakin was so angry when Obi-Wan appeared on the ramp. I didn't know he was there and Anakin thought I'd betrayed him. I hadn't. Suddenly, I was chocking and Anakin was just staring at me. Obi-Wan was talking but I don't know what he said, I think he was bartering for my life. I passed out and when I awoke, Anakin wasn't there and Obi-Wan was standing there instead. He promised to raise my children after I died. Tell me, what did my husband do to my friend?"

"Anakin broke him." I informed her sharply and regretted my words when she sniffed quietly.

"Can I see him? Please?"

I bit my lip and stared into her imploring eyes. I could sense her joy at seeing her old friend but also her fear of losing him again.

"Obi-Wan's fragile. I don't know if you should."

"I won't upset him. I'll only stay for a minute."

"Perhaps seeing you will help him. Come on, then." I dragged pulled her to her feet and she skipped a long beside me.

_Tell me I'm not making a mistake._

"Padawan? Are you awake?" I knocked softly on Obi-Wan's bedroom door, leaving Padmé standing awkwardly in the kitchen.

Obi-Wan shuffled to the door and clicked it open. His face was tired, dark bruises hanging underneath his eyes and his clothes wrinkled.

"I'm dead, right?" He questioned, obviously annoyed. I nodded slightly. "So, how can I be tired and look this bad?"

"You are your soul. Do you need sleep?"

"That didn't even make sense. I'd like more sleep. Can I?"

I smiled my permission, Padmé could wait. Her time was endless, she had nothing to stop her but I had my Padawan and I couldn't let him be hurt. I strolled back toward the young queen, smiling apologetically when disappointment clouded her eyes

"I can't see him?"

"He's tired. Tomorrow, maybe."

She accepted my words but sank down onto a spare chair, wordlessly I did the same. Padmé fiddled with her hair, flicking strands away from her eyes and looking suddenly much older than she should have done.

"What's wrong with him? There's broken glass over there." She pointed to the shards I had over looked with fear.

"I don't understand completely what happened after I died but it was enough to damage him. I know something about the deaths of Younglings and betrayal."

"Anakin killed the Younglings and anyone who got in his way. Slaughtered them and I think Obi found them. It hit him hard, Anakin suddenly going dark side on him and not caring anymore."

I sighed, pressing my fingertips to my temples. Obi-Wan's beautiful heart would forever hold the memories of young bodies and would never let go of the guilt. I threw a concerned glace toward his silent door.

"He carries a lot of guilt with him. He thinks it's his fault that Anakin fell and that you died. Padmé, Obi-Wan exiled himself to care for your son, I know that much. I'm not sure how he lived but it was hard and I'm not sure he'll ever get over it."

"I didn't mean for him to do that. I just wanted assurance they'd be safe, that's all. It's not his fault, nothing is. He did everything and more…my Guardian Angel. Please, let me just look at him. I need to know he's really here."

"All right. But he's probably asleep, don't wake him."

"I promise."

I lead her toward the room and carefully cracked the door open. The light behind us bathed Obi-Wan's still form on the bed, his chest rising and falling as he finally slept peacefully. Padmé gasped beside me and lifted her hands to her mouth.

"He looks so young! Like did when I first met him. I never thought I'd see that again." But suddenly she saw what I had, the tears on his face and the sunken cheeks. "He's so sad. How could Anakin do this?"

I rested my hand on her shoulder, feeling her anger. "What's done is done. Our only concern is Obi-Wan. Agreed?"

"Yes." She ghosted forward and pressed her lips against Obi-Wan's temple. "I'm sorry, my friend. We're here now, you're not alone." She caressed his braid once and returned to my side. "I'll be back tomorrow. You WILL let me talk to him."

I nodded mutely and she was gone.

"Qui-Gon? Do you know what happened? I mean after you…died?" Obi-Wan's hesitant questioning voice had me glancing up from the Data Pad I was holding.

"What part exactly, Padawan?" I discarded the piece of machinery to the floor and tried to meet Obi-Wan's timid gaze.

"You saw what happened with Vadar? And Padmé?"

I shook my head slowly. "I saw parts of your reality. I felt some of what you felt through the bond but I don't really know what happened. I couldn't connect with you."

"Padmé's dead. My foolishness got her killed." He spoke with the voice of a solider, reporting to me and expecting consequences.

"I know. She wants to meet with you."

Obi-Wan backed away from me, horror and fear seeping into his eyes. I watched him warily, rising slowly to my feet but he only scrabbled away faster. The braid in his hair swayed ferociously as he shook his head, hugging his arms to his chest.

"NO! She can't see me. I killed her and because of me she never got to know her children. He fell because I was weak. How can I look at her?" He stared up at me with agonised eyes.

I took his trembling hands in mine, smiling softly at the boy before me. There was no trust on his face, his mind and soul was barred to me, locked up tight and I didn't have the key. Obi-Wan danced his eyes away, glaring at the carpeted floor.

"She doesn't blame you. She's been frightened for you." I attempted to soothe him but he didn't believe me.

"Lair. Who would care about me after what I've done?" He laughed mockingly and started to turn away.

I caught him and swung him back to me. "I would. I do as does she. You see, my Padawan, she knows you're here and she won't take no for an answer. You're going to have to face her."

Obi-Wan shook his head and broke away from me.

_Oh, my boy…please stop running…_


	4. Made from despair

A/N- If anyone is still waiting on this story hello out there! I'm back and obviously alive. Sorry for the LOOOOOONNNNGGGGGG delay.

Someone asked me if Bant and friends were going to make an appearance and unfortunately I don't know their characters well enough to use them. I wouldn't want to ruin your enjoyment by using them wrong. Sorry.

Enjoy!

Much Love!

…

When Angels return home.

Made from despair. 

Qui-Gon.

"You promised me Qui-Gon! You promised I could see him today. Why won't you let me?" Queen Amidala cried.

The past monarch stamped her foot against my floor and crossed her arms childishly across her chest. Without her painted face and artistic hair styles she looked as young as her actions. Padmé had thrown open the apartment door and stormed in over thirty minutes ago and had refused to leave. I sat on my faded chair and watched her pace and glower at me.

"Padmé, I haven't said you can't. I said wait for Obi-Wan to wake up." I soothed.

The young woman pouted and span on her heel, stalking toward the closed bedroom door. I rose to stop her but she leant her ear against the wood silently. Padmé frowned and paced back to the floor before me.

"Why isn't he awake yet?"

I sighed and rubbed a hand across my beard. "Because he didn't sleep well last night. I want him to sleep for as long as he can. Don't disturb him."

She huffed but slowly uncurled her arms and suddenly concern flickered across her face.

"Was he having nightmares?" She questioned.

I nodded. "Yes. It took me a while to calm him."

"I've had nightmares since I've been here. I think I dream of Anakin sometimes other times I dream of babies crying."

She looked distressed and I immediately clasped her shoulder in comfort. She smiled watery at me and folded herself down onto the chair beside me.

"I am not surprised. You suffered greatly. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried for myself. My dreams can't hurt me. I am not damaged by Anakin or what he did. Obi-wan is. I worry for him."

"You are a true friend. I believe he will be okay with time." I assured her.

"I hope so. I've really missed him."

"…Padmé…"

We whirled around at the tiny voice that gasped out her name. Obi-Wan stared back at Padmé with wide eyes and a porcelain pale skin. I hadn't realised he was awake and I berated myself mentally. There was tangible fear in Obi-Wan eyes, it turned them wild. A tremor rattled around his frame as his arms crossed his waist.

"Obi-Wan." I breathed and moved toward him.

But that was the mistake I made, he turned harshly and sprinted back into the safety of his room. The lock clicked behind him. I pressed my hands against the door and jingled the handle but it didn't give out. Padmé danced agitatedly on her feet behind me. The reforming Bond between myself and my Padawan curled in fear and growled with a kitten's fear at me. Obi-Wan's guilt and self-loathing was an chokingly thick sludge that settled on my gut and seeped into the muscles of my brain. I sensed his want to hide away from us and his anger that Padmé had seen him. His breathing was loud through the door and amplified by the Force's will.

"Please let me in Padawan. Padmé only wants to talk to you."

"I don't want to see her."

His voice quivered but he was trying his hardest to be brave. I tapped my knuckles gently against the wooden door. Padmé's eyes filled with crystal tears that gathered on her cheeks.

"Please, it's okay Obi-Wan. Let us in."

"I won't!"

A loud crashed echoed through the room and vibrated in the walls. Terror flowed through me for my Padawan and I beat my fists against the door. Padmé gasped beside me and pressed her hands against the door.

"Obi please! I want to talk to you. I've missed you."

"…You have?"

"Yes, so much."

The latch clicked open slowly and Obi-Wan's watery sapphire eyes met mine. I smiled comfortingly at him and gently pushed the gap wider. My beautiful Padawan shrank backward to allow us to enter the room. He curled up on his bed and stared at me with those haunted eyes. I sank down beside him on the blankets and let him huddle against my side. Padmé's young face was warm and thrilled at meeting Obi-Wan again. Her ruby robes fluttered when she moved and crouched down before us on the carpeted floor. Obi-Wan quirked his lips in a timid smile but never took his eyes away from her.

"I can't believe how handsome you look." Padmé complimented "I'd nearly forgotten how you looked the first time we met."

"Thank you Queen Amidala."

Padmé waved her slender hand in his face "No. I have always and will always be Padmé to you. You're my friend."

Obi-Wan nodded gently but tucked his legs tighter to his chest when she moved toward him. He allowed me to slip my arm over his shoulders and draw him close to me. The chasm between us had lessened in the time he had been returned to me. The Bond between our minds was gradually reforming as Obi-Wan let me love and care for him. He reached out for me now when frightened and called for me in his nightmares and knew I'd come for him. Obi-Wan reached up and played with the braid hanging over one shoulder and pushed the beads around on the strands.

"Padmé. How can you say that? After what happened." He whispered

She reached forward and slapped his kneecap firmly. I scowled at her when I felt Obi-Wan jump against me.

"There's nothing to forgive you idiot. It wasn't your fault." She reinforced the words I had spoken over and over.

"My fault." He repeated. "I wasn't enough."

"Stop it Obi. Please don't think like that."

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his hands against his temples. Around me the Force wailed in torment and the bright Bond between us quivered in agony. I laced my fingertips into his hair and folded him firmly against my chest. Padmé gasped and scrambled up onto the bed, her hands hovered uselessly in the air between us. Obi-Wan whimpered in my grasp and shook and I tucked him underneath my chin.

"You're safe, Child. Come back to us." I murmured in his ear.

His hands latched onto my tunic and I felt his nails pinch my skin. His hair tickled my nose and I inhaled greedily as I felt him start to calm. I relaxed my grip on him when I knew he was only keeping his face hidden out of shame.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise for anything." I soothed.

He pulled away and scrubbed his hands across his eyes so harshly that he irritated the skin. Rebellious eyes ducked away from us in embarrassment when I moved to meet them. Padmé suddenly looked so heartbroken and tearful that I reached out to her. She worried her bottom lip and toyed with a chocolate curl that brushed against her chin.

"Obi-Wan, my guardian Angel and best friend. You risked your life to try and return Anakin to me and you exiled yourself for my children. How could you think you'd failed us?"

My Padawan sighed and leant back against the wall behind his head. I hated to see the age in those youthful eyes and the sorrow his heart had slowly drowned in.

"It makes sense. Anakin didn't just fall, someone had to push him. I did. I didn't listen when he needed me. I was just too busy with being a Jedi Knight, I forgot about him."

"You didn't forget him. You came when it mattered. Anakin forgot about you." Padmé argued.

Obi-Wan shrugged and rolled his head on his shoulders. "I've been over it in my head every night for years. Its stuck on a loop and I'm fairly sure its endless."

"You need time, that's all." She smiled. "I'm sorry but I need to do this."

Padmé launched herself forward and into the startled eyes of my Padawan. Obi-Wan stiffened slightly and his face whispered off alarm but he returned the embrace before I could interfere. Silent and strong gratitude for Padmé shot through me when the gentle smile on Obi-Wan's face reached his eyes for the first time since we had been reunited. The age old Queen sat back on her heels and pressed her lips against his cheek.

"I've got to go Obi. For a dead person I have a stupidly busy schedule. I'll talk to you again later. I promise."

Obi-Wan nodded slowly and tugged playfully on her hair. "Thank you for trying to talk some sense into me."

"It's no problem. Qui-Gon will help to drill it into your head."

I didn't fully understand the side glance that Obi-Wan shot at me but I smiled reassuringly at him.

"I know."

Padmé bounded of the bed and surged toward the bedroom door.

"I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" She announced.

A gentle blush stained my Padawan's cheeks and I smirked when he uttered a flustered reply back. I followed after her as she swept up her maroon cloak into her hands and pushed her arms through the sleeves. She span around suddenly and fixed me to the floor with a dark stare.

"You WILL look after him, understood? Don't you dare make him cry. I'll do something drastic if you do." She threatened.

I didn't bother to tell her that it would be impossible for her to hurt me but I recognised her fear for Obi-Wan.

"I won't hurt him." I quickly diffused her anger. "I promise, I love him too."

"Good."

She touched her lips lightly to mine and bounced down the corridor. I rolled my eyes at her childish actions as she disappeared around the corner.

A gentle hand slipped into mine as I stood in our kitchen. I had sensed my Padawan moments before I had felt him but hadn't reacted to his timid affections. I squeezed his slender hand and turned to him. His eyes were clearer; the storm had stared to ease with sun on the horizon. My heart soared to unreachable heights when his part of our Bond brushed a brilliant gold against my mind.

"Hello Obi-Wan." I greeted.

His arms wrapped quickly around my mirror before darting back to his side. "Master."

I wanted to drop to my knees and pray some higher wonderful being when he uttered my past title. There had been a time when I thought I would never earn that trust again, never be loved by him in that special way again. He yelped when I dragged him back into my arms and held on tightly. Auburn hair brushed against my jaw and the beads of his braid dug into my chest but I couldn't let him go. Nothing would make me.

_I love you._

_I'm sorry._

"I know, Master. We'll be okay."

…


	5. As the world shatters

A/N: First I want to say sorry for my inability to update this story. I simply forgot about it. Secondly, I hope Yoda wasn't too badly written, his speech is awful to right. Thank you for your continued support.

...

When Angels return home.

As the world shatters.

Qui-Gon.

The world looked a little brighter. Obi-Wan had started to smile again. It reflected in his eyes and I felt it hum down our bond. He was healing and learning to forgive both himself and me. I heard his laugh more often now. He wasn't always all right. Sometimes I did find him caught in memories, the past he couldn't quiet let go off. The wounds in his soul that still festered and stung at times. And his anger frightened me. It burned and scolded me. But there was a future. I could see it on the horizon.

I reached forward and ran my fingertips through his hair. His Padawan braid bumped against my fingertips as he moved his head to look at me.

"I'm sorry Obi-Wan. I'm just pleased to see you happy."

To prove my point Obi-Wan grinned and leant back into my hand. There was trust on his face and it nearly brought me to my knees in gratitude. I had him back. I stooped forward and wrapped my arms around him and held him. I felt Obi-Wan's confusion and shock but his arms snaked around me.

"Are you all right, Master?" He inquired.

"Of course I am. I'm just being a daft old fool."

He shrugged and pulled away from me, his fingers stayed tangled in my robes. He stared up into my eyes with all the love and respect I remembered from him and I got chocked up again. Anakin had tried to destroy him and had nearly won. But Obi-Wan was a much stronger man that I could ever be. Anakin had failed and Obi-Wan still shone bright.

"No Padmé today?" I questioned when I finally let him relax back into his chair.

"Nope. She's visiting friends or something like that." He explained carelessly. "I don't really know."

"Looks like you'll have to spend the day with your old Master. Pity."

But flames leaped into Obi-Wan's eyes and something deep flickered across his features.

"I don't think I've told you this since I came back but you've probably gathered; I missed you. Every stupid day, even when I thought I hated you. I missed you when Anakin cried at night and I couldn't control him. Whenever I hurt and I needed comfort from you. I missed you on that forsaken planet I ended up in. I would be honoured to spend the day with you." We stared at each other for a heartbeat and then Obi-Wan blushed and stared down at his hands. "Just thought you should know."

For a brief moment I didn't understand the insecurity that timidly slipped through our bond. But when I recognised it my heart sank, I felt his terror of rejection.

"Silly boy. Of course I missed you, Obi. You are my world, my son in all but blood. I felt your absence every day."

He beamed widely and everything was all right again. There was a quiet but demanding knock on the door and I stood up to open it. Obi-Wan turned back to his Data Pad and furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. The door hissed opened and I couldn't stop the rush of joy that fizzled through me.

"Master Yoda!"

"Qui-Gon, long time it has been."

I stepped backward and nearly tripped over my own feet in my haste to get my old Master into my home. He creaked forward, still leaning on his stick and swept his gaze around the room. He pressed one small clawed hand to my knee and the rush of calmness from him soothed every ache in my soul. It took me a long time to realise that my Padawan had gone strangely quiet and that his thoughts had shut down.

"Obi-Wan?"

Those brilliant, passionate eyes were fixed on the green Master, wide and bright. His Data Pad had been abandoned on the table edge. I hurried toward him but I don't think he even knew I was there. Yoda hobbled forward and touched Obi-Wan's limp hand.

"Wounded you are, my friend. Time will heal you but I fear two more challenges there is."

Irrational fear curled its cold grip around my heart and I dragged Obi-Wan into the safety of my arms where no one could hurt him. Deep down I knew nothing could. Yoda would never put a boy who was so precious to both of us in danger.

"What challenges?" I finally asked.

Yoda settled down on a free chair and crossed his stick across his legs. A part of me had expected time to change him, age him in some way. He was decades old, countless years older than us but he didn't look any different since the last time I had seen him. He still carried the air of wisdom and safety that I had latched onto as a young man. Obi-Wan curled into my arms and seemed to jolt himself out of his trance.

"Your past is not yet behind you. Face it, you must."

Obi-Wan snorted irrespectively and turned away. "My past is where it should be Master. Dead."

"Your past has made you who you are. Finished with you, it is not."

"I can't deal with this!" Obi-Wan pushed me away and stalked out of the apartment.

I sighed and dragged my hand over my beard. "I'm sorry Master Yoda. Just when I think he's getting better he snaps over something. He doesn't mean to be disrespectful."

"Passed through the flames of hell he has. Surprised I am not to see him this way."

"He's so angry and insecure. It breaks my heart to know what he went through. Anakin betrayed him and I didn't help."

"Learn to forgive yourself you must. Anakin's redemption will come."

I dropped my face to my hands. "How do I help him?"

"Be there for him. Love him. Show him alone he is not."

"You make in sound so easy."

"Fragile Obi-Wan's mind has become. A great weight has been on his shoulders to long. Never should it have been his to bear. However, return to you he will. He will need you at his side when the time comes."

I looked up at Yoda and felt something in the air hum and swirl. I frowned and reached out to touch the Force but it swirled away from me.

"Something has changed." I muttered softly. "The Force is restless."

"It fights to protect the Jedi even the ones who fall to darkness."

"...Anakin..." I breathed. "Tell me he isn't coming here."

I almost thought there was sympathy and anger in Yoda's eyes. "It is the Will of the Force to bring him here. To start to make amends."

Anger squeezed my gut and I had to fight to keep it from flowing to Obi-Wan. My beautiful Padawan would break and shatter messily if he saw Anakin again. It was a risk that I didn't want to take. I may have found Anakin but I didn't love him like I did Obi-Wan.

"I don't want him here. He's dangerous. He killed Obi-Wan."

"Aggrieved by this I am. But turned back to the Light he has."

I scoffed angrily and stood up, pacing across the living space and back to the table.

"You can't take that amount of darkness out of a person. Anakin is lost to us. Palpatine made sure of that."

"Driven mad by grief Anakin was. Realised the error of his ways he has."

"I don't care. Anakin should not be allowed here, to live with the very people he slaughtered. What happens if Obi-Wan runs into him? No! I can't allow it!"

I had promised with everything in me to protect Obi-Wan from his demons, especially the boy who ripped out his heart.

"Aware of his imminent arrival Queen Amidala is. Obey the will of the Force we must. Want to see Obi-Wan Anakin will."

"Fine. I will not protest Anakin's arrival any longer but he is not to be anywhere near Obi-Wan until I have spoken with him first."

"Agree with you I do. Obi-Wan must come first." He hopped down of the chair and made his way slowly toward the door. He paused and glanced back over his shoulder at me. "Pleased to see you I am, Qui-Gon. Found your heart again you have."

I just nodded and let him leave. How do I tell Obi-Wan his biggest nightmare will soon be here? I slumped down onto the table top and hid my face in my hands. As much as I wanted to steal Obi-Wan away and take him somewhere safe I knew I couldn't. Yoda was right, he did have to face Anakin, I just didn't think it would be so soon. I was afraid of seeing Anakin again knowing what he had become and the pain he had inflicted. A part of me that was growing ever louder wanted him to suffer all the torments of hell. But then there was Padmé. How could I deny her the man she adored? Her husband and the father of her children. It was a choice again.

Anakin or Obi-Wan.

This time I knew with every fibre of my being which young man needed me more. And I wouldn't rest until Obi-Wan knew I would always choose him.

I didn't sense Obi-Wan's return until I felt his hand rest on my back and his gentle emotions seep through the bond. There was concern, apprehension and love radiating from him.

"Master?"

I bolted upright and stared into his bright eyes. The light played across his face and his braid swung by his ear. I caught his hands and held them tight between mine.

"Obi-Wan. My precious Obi-Wan. I love you so very much."

He blushed and glowed slightly. "I love you too Master. What did Master Yoda want? Should I apologise for walking out?"

"No, he understood. Sit down Padawan, we need to talk."

Fear flickered across his eyes and he glanced nervously to the door. I just tightened my grip on his hands and pulled him down to the seat Yoda had previously occupied.

"Do you want me to leave?" He questioned.

"Never! This is your home and you never have to leave it."

"Oh. So what's wrong?"

"Obi-Wan, I want you to know that I am always on your side. I will never abandon you again or chose someone over you. You are mine. My Padawan. You know that right?"

"I'm starting to know that. You're scaring me a little Master, has something happened?"

"We will take this at your speed and do everything exactly how you want. And if you say no that's fine. I almost wish you would say no."

"Master?"

Obi-Wan's eyes were wide, trusting and unnerved. I didn't want to ruin the happiness just starting to bloom in him or rip his safety net out from underneath him. I felt him poke at the bond between us and grow impatient when he couldn't find anything.

"Patience, Obi. I am trying to work out the best way to tell you. I will be here by your side the entire time. And I w-."

"Forgive me Master but just tell me! It can't be that bad."

I took a deep shaky breath and forced myself to hold his gaze.

"Anakin is coming here."

Obi-Wan stared at me and I saw his entire world shatter.


	6. The Angel's wrath

A/N: Thank you for all those lovely reviews, I'm pleased people are still reading this.

...

When Angels return home.

The Angel's wrath.

Obi-Wan.

"Anakin is coming here."

It was a possibility I had forced myself to forget. Maybe I had convinced myself that someone like Anakin wouldn't be allowed to rest here. Here was where the Angels lived, where the good could be safe. Anakin was neither. Anakin was a murderer.

I took a stumbling step backward away from Qui-Gon and jerked my hands away from him. My Master looked strained and upset and liked someone had dragged him through hell.

"You're kidding, right?" I finally asked. "He can't be _here_."

"It is the Will of the Force, Padawan."

"The Force is wrong!"

"Obi-Wan I-."

"NO! He shouldn't be permitted to walk these halls with us. He is evil! He should be locked away forever."

I shook and tried desperately to fight Qui-Gon's sudden tight grip on my upper arms. I couldn't see past the loud pounding in my head and the fear that was starting to coat my insides. The dread of having to face the inevitable boy. He wouldn't be able to let me be.

"Padawan calm down!"

"I can't stay here. I won't stay here with _that_!"

Qui-Gon's jaw snapped shut with an audible sound and there was a sharp, disapproving hum in the air around me. I gasped when I realised what I had said, shocked at my sudden outburst. Qui-Gon stared at me until I gave in and dropped my head in submission.

"I'm sorry."

Qui-Gon sighed and caught my hands in his again, rubbing his thumbs across my knuckles. I couldn't stop the trembles that took a hold of my body and the anger breathing down my neck.

"Anakin will never touch you again, Obi-Wan. I promise."

I wanted so badly to believe him, to find the childish trust I used to have in him. The knowledge that he loved me unconditionally no matter what. I may have been starting to remember this but Anakin was a poison and he would infect everything. Qui-Gon shook my hands and waited until I looked up at him timidly.

"I chose you Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"I can't face him again, Master. I don't want too." I confessed.

Qui-Gon tugged me closer to him and let me hide my face against his neck. He was warm, solid and comforting against me, my protector against Darth Vader. He smelt of tea, earth and rain and I felt myself relax against him.

"You won't ever have too. Master Yoda agrees with me, this is all on your terms. You don't want to meet Anakin again then you won't. That's fine. I don't know what Master Yoda's plan is but he must have one. You are safe."

I sniffed loudly. "Really? So I can kick him out if I want?"

Qui-Gon laughed softly and ruffled my hair. "Yeah. If he ever comes to our apartment you can throw him out."

"Good."

We stayed in our tight embrace for a few more moments until I gently eased myself out of his arms. Qui-Gon watched me, the lingering light of concern bloomed in his eyes and he almost couldn't stop his hands reaching out to pull me back to him.

"I need to be alone, Master."

Qui-Gon nodded. "All right, Padawan. Be safe."

"I'll be fine. I won't be long."

The front door hissed open as I darted out of it. As soon as it closed I slumped against the wall and lowered myself to the ground. Anakin. What could I possibly say to him to heal the cuts on my heart? Anakin had never shown remorse for what he had done. He had killed me and forced me to amputate his limbs and leave him to burn. I don't think he ever really knew how many nights I had spent crying because I had hurt him. I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them, trying to ignore the burning tears behind my eyes. I was afraid. Afraid to see the human in Anakin again. I could never forgive him but everyone around me would. Despite everything, Anakin was still the Chosen one.

A body settled down beside me and a feminine hand linked their fingers with mine. I peered up, Padmé smiled grimly at me with wet eyes and leant her head against my shoulder. She curled against my side and sighed loudly. I almost felt her heartache.

"Are you OK, Obi?" She asked softly.

"I don't know. What about you Padmé? How are you?"

The former monarch shrugged and burrowed deeper into me, tightening her grip on my hands. I lifted one arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, trying to offer her the safety I didn't feel.

"This is all I've waited for since I got here but now that's it's arrived I'm not sure how to feel." She whispered.

"You can still love him. That's OK."

"No it's not. How can I love him knowing what he did? To the people, the children and most of all you."

I pushed my face into her hair and clung to her tightly.

"I know."

"I'm sorry." She sobbed.

Concerned I pulled her face up and winced at the crystal tears on her face. She had loved Anakin so much and she felt just as hurt by him. But she had a compassion I didn't. The ability to see the bright future instead of the dark past I still lived in.

"Why?" I asked, wiping the tears away with the pad of my thumb.

"Because I have missed him every day and he is still my husband. But he hurt you so badly. When you first got here I was so afraid I had lost you. You were so...frightened and distant and I want to hate Anakin for that but I can't. I am so sorry."

I clutched her back to me, sheltering her as she wept bitterly against my chest. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and pushed my face into her shoulder.

"How about I just hate him enough for the both of us?"

Padmé giggled wetly and nodded. We sat huddled on the dirty hallway floor, clinging onto each other and trying to fight away our fear of being reunited with Anakin.

But then the Force rippled and exploded into bright colours. It sung with excitement, apprehension and a warning to everyone who knew how to listen to it. The echo of a bond I had long since tried to pretend didn't exist flickered into dim life in my mind. My heart stopped and I ripped away from Padmé with a startled cry.

"Obi-Wan!" She gasped.

The bond forming felt like shards of broken glass and decay. It had been torn up decades ago and now was forcing itself back into existence. I clutched at my hair and tried to shake the bond out of my head. Padmé screamed as I whipped my head backwards and whacked it against the wall. The burst off pain didn't nothing to deter the forced connection that I couldn't have inside me again. I hissed through gritted teeth and dug my nails deeper into my skin.

"Padawan!" Qui-Gon cried.

I looked up at him through blurry eyes and reached out for him, clutching fistfuls of his robes. Padmé's hand kept rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"Make it stop." I begged. "Master please. It hurts."

"Make what stop? Obi-Wan talk to me."

I threw my head back again and screamed. Qui-Gon surged forward and dragged me closer to him, wrapping himself completely around me. Padmé pressed herself against my back and her arms snaked around my waist.

"I don't want it." I wept. "It's gonna destroy me."

Padmé's hands tightened around me and her breath ghosted across the back of my neck.

"If you calm down Obi, we can help." She soothed. "Please."

"T-The bond...Anakin...reforming." I gasped out my disjointed sentence. "I don't want it! NO!"

"Oh no." Qui-Gon sighed and his hands framed my face to pull it up. His face was pale and his eyes bright with terror. "Breathe through it, little one. You're only hurting yourself more by trying to fight it."

I felt a bright sting of betrayal at his words and felt him cringe away. I couldn't face having that precious bond inside my head again. I had felt Anakin destroy it once before. Shred it into unrecoverable pieces that got lost in the agony I was in. He had no right to try and form it again.

"NO! No. No. No. No. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"OBI-WAN!"

Then just as soon as the pain had come it was gone and I slumped against my Master's chest. He gathered me close to him and Padmé knelt by my side. There was nothing but harsh breathing and fear between us. Hands were warming my shoulders, brushing my hair and caressing my back, trying to pull me back to reality.

"He's here." I summarised.

Padmé gasped loudly and Qui-Gon tensed beneath my cheek. Anakin's stench was in the air and he was whispering on the raw bond in my head. I ruthlessly shut it down and spare no thought for the pain I must have caused him.

"Go to him Padmé." Qui-Gon ordered. "He must be confused."

"But I want to stay with Obi."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "No Padmé. Anakin will need you right now. I've got Obi-Wan, I'll take care of him."

I turned to her and offered her the strongest smile I could find. She quirked her lips back in return and pressed her lips against my forehead.

"I'll come and see you soon. I won't bring Anakin." She promised.

"OK."

Hesitantly she stood up and wandered down the corridor, stopping often to throw a glance over her shoulder at me. Finally she disappeared around the corner and Qui-Gon pulled me to my feet. I swayed and swallowed back a sudden ache of nausea in the pit of my stomach.

"Gonna be sick." I gasped.

Qui-Gon wasted no time in lifting me from the floor and into his arms. Moments later he lowered me down in front of the toilet. I gripped the rim and breathed heavily through my nose, trying my hardest to swallow back the urge. Qui-Gon kept up a soothing mantra in my ear and slowly the nausea faded back into a dull ache and I sat back on my heels.

"You all right now?"

"Y-Yeah. Sorry about that Master. I didn't think the Bond would be able to reform again."

Qui-Gon smiled softly and scrapped my braid back behind my ear. "It proves that Anakin has realised his errors and is searching for the comfort of his Master again."

I sat back against the toilet and sighed, my heart jumping unexpectedly at the thought of Anakin's love again. But my mind and my soul were not so easily swayed.

"It means Anakin thinks he can use me again. But why did it hurt so much?"

"Because you fought against something that used to be as natural to you as breathing."

"I don't want him to be a part of me again."

Qui-Gon looked pained and his fingertip danced across my jaw line tenderly. I basked in his love and leant into his touch.

"Lord knows how much I hate that boy for what he's done to you Obi. But he's as much a part of you as I am. But if you want to keep your heard hidden from him, you do that. It's what he deserves."

"Thank you."

...

The days slipped past and turned into weeks and Anakin never once dared to show his face to me. I saw Padmé less and less but whenever I did she always looked sad.

"He misses you." She whispered to me as we passed each other in the hall one day. "He's so unbelievable sorry. Please just listen to him."

"I can't."

She always looked so betrayed and almost ran away from me. Anakin kept up beating a nervous beat in my mind, whispering his sorrow and regret.

Sometimes words filter through.

...I'm sorry...I miss you...Forgive me...Talk to me...Notice me...

But I always said the same thing: I can't.

I can't miss you. I can't forgive you. I can't love you. Long ago Anakin tore out the part of me that loved him and I didn't remember how to do it. Qui-Gon is on my side but some days his concern is suffocating and thick. I can't stop this anger that had become my constant companion.

"I'm going to train, Master." I announced.

Qui-Gon looked up at me from the saucepan he was stirring aimlessly.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Later."

"All right. Have fun Obi-Wan."

"Bye."

I didn't wait long enough to hear him reply and darted out of the door and down the hallway. I passed countless people, happy and content in their afterlife; a young boy danced around my legs and chased a girl around the corner. I heard Master Yoda's voice in the distance and hurriedly walked away from it.

The training room was empty as I had expected. The dead have no need to train. We won't ever need to defend ourselves, yet I felt like I had too. Darth Vader could not be allowed to blindside me again. I slipped of my robe and draped it carelessly over the back of a nearby bench. Master Yoda once told me that anger and fear were the doorway to the dark side but today they were the only emotions I could feel. I walked up to the mannequin in the centre of the room and stared at it blankly. Someone had forgotten to put it away or had been aware that I would end up here, looking for a release that I couldn't find anywhere else. I pulled my fist back and snapped it forward into the soft padding and felt the jolt in my bones. The ache helped to clear my head of the doubt and ignited the fire inside me again. A wild side kick sent it crashing into the back wall with a loud bag. I followed it angrily, lashing out with everything in me and trying to drive out my demons. I felt out of control and lost. Qui-Gon poked at the bond and his concern only made me angrier. I didn't realise that I was channelling the Force's raw strength until I had managed to levitate the mannequin and chuck it effortlessly across the room. It landed in pieces on the floor and I panted painfully as I stared at it.

"...Obi-Wan..."

I looked up at the gentle call and everything froze. A nightmare dressed as a boy stared at me from the doorway. He looked the same as I remembered before everything went wrong. His Padawan braid swung at his ear and there was innocent light in his eyes again.

Anakin.

"No." I growled and stepped away.

"Is it really you? I kept trying to come by but they wouldn't let me."

He had the nerve to sound excited to see me again. His mind brushed against mine and I shoved him harshly away. Pain flickered across his face and his lower lip wobbled. He had looked at me like that before. When he had nightmares or when I had yelled at him. It used to make me melt and want to fight away his demons now all it did was feed the anger snarling inside me

"I don't want to talk to you Anakin."

"Obi-Wan please. I'm so sorry. I was so wrong."

I scoffed and he moved closer toward me. Stupidly, I kept backing up until I could feel the wall against my skin.

"Stay away from me." I ordered.

"I've missed you. I want to make amends." He insisted.

He was too close to me, I could see the colours in his eyes and count the beads on his braid. His fingers twitched and he moved to touch my face.

"Get away!" I demanded.

His hands folded onto the thin fabric of my tunic, crumpling it in his hands. My heart started to race and trip over itself in terror. My mind was in turmoil, Anakin's was pleading and young against it. Memories were flashing across my vision.

The dead children.

Fire.

Evil eyes.

Luke.

Death.

"Master? Forgive me." He begged.

_QUI-GON! HELP ME!_

"NO!" I screamed and Anakin was a crumpled heap in the corner of the room.

My Master was by my side in a heartbeat, his face flushed and his eyes almost blown in panic. I couldn't see through my fear, Qui-Gon moved to shelter me from Anakin's searching gaze. His mind was all I could feel inside mine and I relaxed.

"Obi-Wan." Anakin whimpered.

"Be silent Anakin." Qui-Gon snapped. "You have already done enough damage to him."

"I'm sorry."

Sorry meant nothing to me. I was so angry again and I wanted to fight, to make him hurt. And the Force responded to me. It gave me my Light Sabre back, the cold pressure of it in my palm was a security that Qui-Gon could never be. Anakin's appeared on the floor at his hand and he let out a wordless cry.

"Fight me."

The world around me seemed shocked into silence. Qui-Gon frozen by the mannequin, his eyes locked on the Light Sabre clutched in my hand. Anakin had gone pale and he shook his head wildly, one hand reaching up to grab the front of his tunic.

"No."

"Fight me." I growled. "I let you win last time. The Force willed it but I'm not done with you."

"I won't fight you Master."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" I screamed and tried to ignore the stab of pain through my heart that the word caused. "You don't have the right anymore."

I didn't care that Anakin flinched like I had stabbed him or the sheen of tears that had built up in his eyes. I ripped holes in the bond he tried to form between us and sent him stumbling to his knees at my feet. Anger coloured my vision red and made the blood pound in my ears. The handle of my sabre creaked and groaned in my grasp, digging into the soft skin of my palm.

"I'm sorry Obi-Wan. Please!"

"No! No more! You lied to me and used me for your own selfish gain. I loved you like a brother! I would have done anything for you and you betrayed me!"

Anakin sobbed at my feet and rubbed his hand underneath his nose and looked so much like a child. But the young man I had trained was dead and lost. Darth Vader would never stamp on my heart again. I would never be weak enough to let him manipulate me again.

"I'd do anything to change what I did. I was just so blinded my grief at my mother's death that I lost control. I wanted revenge."

"And you went too far. How do you think I felt when Qui-Gon was killed? And I was left with a boy who didn't want me. I hadn't even finished my training! I wasn't a Knight I was still just a Padawan! It wasn't fair!"

"Obi-Wan calm down." Qui-Gon cautioned but at that moment in time I hated him as much as I hated Anakin.

"I'm sorry!" Anakin wailed.

"You think I wasn't tempted? I got my revenge and it felt so good but then I remembered you and Padmé and the code. Why didn't you just think?"

"I was wrong, Obi-Wan please. I am so, so sorry."

"I don't care! Pick up your Light Sabre. Fight me."

He stared down at the weapon that had murdered me like he had never seen it before. Qui-Gon had taken a few cautious steps toward us and his fear was a stabbing knife in my mind.

"PICK IT UP!"

"I can't! Obi-Wan I can't fight you again."

"STAND UP!"

"NO!"

I couldn't hold back all those years of anger and hatred and propelled myself toward Anakin's bowed body. I forced him to pick up his Light Sabre to defend himself and he activated it just in time to block my blow. I knew I couldn't kill him but I could hurt him. His eyes were full of terror and sorrow. He didn't want to fight me, he was willing to kiss my feet to start to make his amends. But I had years in the desert to nurture my disgust for the monster he had become and the betrayal that made breathing difficult. I barely gave him time to think before I slammed my foot into his jaw and sent him crashing into the wall. He swiped blindly at me and rolled away before I could bring my weapon down on him.

"Stop it Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon ordered.

"You're a coward Anakin. All those people you murdered, those lives you destroyed. I was right the whole time; you're nothing but a Sith. That's all you'll ever be!"

"I'm more than that. You trained me to be more. Obi-Wan just stop for a second so we can talk."

I span on my heel and thrust my Sabre at him, he barely managed to avoid it. Qui-Gon tried to grab me from behind but I shoved him ruthlessly away and sent him falling to the floor. I was too far gone to register the shock of my actions.

"I trained you to be a Jedi! A peacekeeper! That's what you were supposed to be. The Chosen one. Instead you ruined everything!"

I ploughed my fist into his stomach and danced away from his punch. He cried out and dropped to one knee, panting and gagging. I stood over him and felt a sense of power that I hadn't felt before. Here was the one man who could have destroyed everything and I had reduced him to tears in the space of five minutes.

"I love you Obi." Anakin whispered. "So much and I am so sorry. How do I make it better?"

"You can't. I hate you."

And Anakin cried. He stared up at me and let tears roll down his cheeks and splash onto the carpet. His Light Sabre rolled from his hands and disappeared underneath a bench. I glared down at him and that initial rush of power faded away to numbness. There were so many venomous, angry words I wanted to spit at him but now he was here I couldn't find them. I didn't think Anakin could ever truly understand what he had done to me.

"You killed me twice. Once when you first even thought about the Dark side and then when you actually stabbed me. We were supposed to be a team. The Master and his Padawan. I thought you were my friend."

"I am your friend and I know I can never make up for what I did but let me try."

I shook my head and dropped my Sabre, suddenly sure Anakin wasn't worth it. Qui-Gon reached out to me but I shook my head firmly and backed away.

"You're nothing to me anymore, Vader. You make me sick."

Anakin gasped and the Force around us seemed to choke on itself. He stretched out a trembling hand to me and my lip curled in distaste. Anakin just whimpered louder. I couldn't bear to look at my former Padawan any longer and I left him crying in a heap on the floor.

And I walked away.


End file.
